Virginia Woolf’s Suicide Note to Vanessa Bell

When Virginia Woolf committed suicide on March 28th in 1941, she left behind two suicide notes for her husband Leonard and one for her sister, Vanessa.

The notes to Leonard were widely published in the press and even misquoted. Yet, Vanessa’s note is not as well known. Perhaps Vanessa didn’t share the note with others as Leonard did, or maybe the contents did not pique the interest of the gossip-hungry press as much as the other notes. It’s not clear if it was printed in any publications immediately after Virginia’s death, but Leonard later published it in his autobiography “The Journey Not the Arrival Matters,” which came out in 1970.

Virginia_Woolf_Monks_house_1935

Virginia Woolf at Monk’s house in 1935

The note read:

“Sunday
Dearest, You can’t think how I loved your letter. But I feel I have gone too far this time to come back again. I am certain now that I am going mad again. It is just as it was the first time, I am always hearing voices, and I shan’t get over it now. All I want to say is that Leonard has been so astonishingly good, every day, always; I can’t imagine that anyone could have done more for me than he has. We have been perfectly happy until these last few weeks, when this horror began. Will you assure him of this? I feel he has so much to do that he will go on, better without me, and you will help him. I can hardly think clearly anymore. If I could I would tell you what you and the children have meant to me. I think you know. I have fought against it, but I can’t any longer. Virginia.”

Virginia’s note to Vanessa is interesting because it is more of a plea for Vanessa to help Leonard after Virginia’s death than it is an explanation about why she was going to kill herself. Perhaps Virginia’s main concern when she was writing it was not so much to explain what she thought was obvious, but instead to try and soften the blow of her death for those around her, particularly Leonard who had nursed her through multiple suicide attempts and mental breakdowns throughout their long marriage. It appears that Virginia felt Leonard’s life would be better without her, as she wrote in the note, yet she feared Leonard, and others, might blame him for her death. Although suicide notes are usually a list of reasons why a person has decided to kill themselves, it seems Virginia wrote hers solely to accept the blame for her death and dispel any ideas that it was anyone’s fault but her own.

Sources:

“The Journey Not the Arrival Matters: An Autobiography of the Years 1939 to 1969”; Leonard Woolf


Comments

Virginia Woolf’s Suicide Note to Vanessa Bell — 3 Comments

  1. Pingback: Virginia Woolf’s Suicide | The Virginia Woolf Blog

  2. I think it took great concentration for Virginia to write the letter. Short of course! She was trying to hold on to herself while she wrote her final words. We don’t need to know any details of why, its known. good for her to do what she did, in terms of consoling Leonard and Vanessa.

  3. I have just finished reading the five-volume The Diary of Virginia Woolf and I don’t believe the real reason she killed herself has ever been revealed. Even after reading her complete Diary (as edited and prepared as it was for publication), I suspect the two mentioned suicide notes have been used as a cover to conceal more of what was really going on in Virginia’s life at that time. Volume five of her Diary ends in such a way as if much of its content was edited out so that the public would never know the details of her final months, weeks and days. She wasn’t stupid (as clearly evidenced by her writings in the Diary) and would have therefore admitted herself (or allowed herself to be admitted) to a hospital, such as the one in Brighton, after she was seen by a (general medicine) physician Octavia Wilberforce on March 27, 1941, the day before her suicide. But something very upsetting was revealed to her that ended forever any hope of her ever wanting to continue living, and, in my opinion, it wasn’t another recurring episode of “madness” that she previously experienced. This is what we, as the public, are supposed to believe so that the real truth is never known. I have read where Leonard was seeing another woman, perhaps platonically, but he may have kept this fact from Virginia. This woman spent time with Leonard socially during the week and devoted her weekends to be with her husband. This does not suggest that there was anything lurid going on, but, naturally, Leonard being a gregarious person, enjoyed his friendships. So I speculate–SPECULATE—that what happened after March 24, 1941, the date of Virginia’s last diary entry, is that Virginia learned of Leonard’s friendship with this woman, and it devastated her and cast her into a severe despair. That, in addition to other issues in her life at the time, resulted in her drowning herself in a river, putting rocks in the pockets of her overcoat so that she would definitely sink. This is the behavior of someone who is in severe despair, so severe that she refuses hospitalization (I would guess), refuses to heed the advice of her sister Vanessa and her husband Leonard; that this despair is so severe that it overrides everything in her life at the time—family, friends, successful literary career, fame, a devoted husband Leonard by her side, truly a devoted spouse to her (no doubt about it). Leonard having Virginia see Dr. Octavia Wilberforce on March 27 was done emergently, Leonard’s vain attempt to help Virginia recover herself. The fact that she killed herself the next day, March 28, 1941, indicates how serious she was about ending her life, for she apparently perhaps no longer believed she could live with Leonard anymore. This is what I think happened. I don’t fault Leonard. I’ve read his autobiography and it’s obvious that he needed to have a “normal” life outside of his marital life with Virginia. She suffered from “manic depression,” or what is known today as “bipolar disorder,” but there probably were other elements of mental illness in her makeup, as well.